Author: Women of Faith

. . . for I knew that thou art a gracious God, and merciful, slow to anger, and of great kindness, and repentest thee of the evil.  Jonah 4:2b

Anger desires to repay evil for evil.  Clinging to our anger robs us of the tenderness of God’s presence in our own lives.   Expecting God to pour out His judgment on those we perceive as wrong doers warps our own perception of God.  Truly God hates sin, but let us never forget God LOVES the sinner and that includes us.

Jonah longed to see Nineveh destroyed for all their wickedness but he also knew God would show mercy and compassion in response to their repentance.  God has already punished sin upon the cross.  In loving-kindness God brings into lives whatever is necessary to draw us to Him.  God’s desire for that person you regard with such bitterness and disdain is to draw them to Him.

Whatever comes into your own life you can rest in the assurance that God’s arms are outstretched to you.  You do not have to earn His love.  It is freely given.  You can trust Him in the darkest moments of life.

For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:38 & 39

The Bible has much to say about anger.  The Bible tells us that God Himself gets angry.  It is a God given emotion.  The error we make is in believing we have no control over our anger.  (Or any of our emotions for that matter.)  Classes on anger management are available and very popular.  Learning to control our emotions is obviously possible.

In Ephesians 4:26 the Bible tells us, “Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath:”  When we are angry, we must be in control of our anger and we must resolve our anger quickly.  It is not wrong to be angry, it is wrong to not control our anger.

When we are hurt anger is a normal response.  Anger is that strong desire to return evil for evil.  Have you ever thought to yourself, ‘Oh when he said that, I should have said this.’  Social media such as Facebook and Twitter have become avenues for angry people to retaliate.

Consider these things when dealing with your own anger.

Have I faced my anger?

How have I avoided dealing with my anger?

Is my sleep affected by my anger?

Do I find myself thinking about getting even or telling someone off?

Has my anger affected my health?

Do you talk often about the person who injured you and the harm they have caused you?

As long as we are angry with another person, we are the ones who suffer.  Many, many times the person we are so angry with, does not even know that we are angry, or if they do know, they do not care.  They sleep at night while we toss and turn.

Anger builds upon itself.  The more often we get angry the more often we get angry.  The deeper our resentment, bitterness and anger is toward one person, the more resentment, bitterness and anger we find we have toward another.  I know people who are so angry with the government and the president, they constantly talk about their corruption and evil intend.  It doesn’t take long to discover that they are angry with many others beside.  Their anger is out of control.

Proverbs 22:24 advices us, “Make no friendship with an angry man; and with a furious man thou shalt not go:” and in verse 25 we are given the reason, “Lest thou learn his ways, and get a snare to thy soul.”  Uncontrolled and unresolved Anger becomes a snare to the soul.  This is why we read in Ecclesiastes 7:9 ”Be not hasty in thy spirit to be angry: for anger resteth in the bosom of fools.”

All of this being understood, the question still remains, how do we let go of our anger?

Start by confessing your own sin.  When we are very, very angry we often wish others harm.  We dwell on how we might take revenge or get even.  This is not God’s plan for us.  Romans 12:19 instructs us. “Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.”

There is miraculous freedom in trusting ourselves and our circumstances to our loving, all-powerful, all-knowing, ever-present, Lord and Savior.  Nothing ever escapes His notice.  He is never taken by surprise.  Few of us have faced all that Job faced and yet Job said, “Though he slay me, yet will I trust in him: but I will maintain mine own ways before him.” Job 13:15  Sometimes the ‘whys’ are not clear to us.  Those are the times when the ‘Who’ is what matters.  Focus on Him.  Consider all we know about Him and then throw yourself and all of your circumstances into His loving arms.

Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you. I Peter 5:7

 

More on Anger next post.

Psychologists tell us that there are stages to grief.  One of those is anger.  Anger and depression are two responses to heartache.  It begins with a loss or disappointment.  All of us have expectations on how life should progress.  We make goals and plans and work toward a particular outcome.  When those expectations are not met or worse when those expectations are crushed we blame someone for the disappointment.  This is a process that works itself out over and over throughout our lifetime.  Our response determines our growth or lack thereof.  Through this process we learn coping skills.  Generally speaking the intensity of the heartache and disappointment determines the intensity of the response.

When we blame ourselves we sink into depression and self loathing.  (We will address this in later posts.)  When we blame someone else we experience anger and bitterness.  A humorous example would be that of a student learning to play a musical instrument.  One student hitting a sour note over and over might get discouraged and proclaim that they cannot learn this instrument!  It is too hard for them! A second student might blame the instrument.  Stupid violin!  And even throw the instrument across the room.  The response is based upon where they place the blame.

If you are dealing with a heart breaking situation, you will experience anger. Anger is a natural and God given response.  The Bible does not tell us to never be angry.  It tells us to be angry and sin not.  There are many things in life that should evoke anger.  Have you heard of the fight or flight response?  Anger is the fight response.  It gives us strength and energy to fight for survival.  We are not intended to live in this state of anger.  It must be dealt with and discharged.

The Bible teaches us to live a Spirit controlled life, not an emotion controlled life.  Uncontrolled, inappropriate anger is indeed sin.  Anger that leads us to act in a sinful manner is not under control.

Be ye angry and sin not.  Go ahead and admit that you are angry.  Once you give yourself permission to be angry you can then honestly admit the object of your anger.  Many times I have heard a grieving spouse say, “I am so angry at him/her for leaving me!”  In my own life, there have been times when I had to admit that I was really angry with God!  You may feel foolish, but there is nothing wrong with telling someone how you feel, even if they are not there to hear you tell them.  And there is nothing wrong with telling God you are angry.  Pour out your complaint.  Discharge the emotion through your words and tears.

When we do not acknowledge and address our anger it builds.  There was a period of time in my life when I dealt with intense anger.  My loss came after years of effort and sacrifice.  With all my heart I would forgive and yield myself to God for His healing, but now and then an incident would bring it all back to the surface.  I wish I could tell you that there was a simple once and for all means to dissipate your anger.  There is not.  It is a process.  Recognize the real object of your anger and address it honestly.  You will learn much about forgiveness and we will address this in a later post.  For now be honest with yourself.

A word of caution for those trying to comfort a grieving friend; anger is a natural response.  If you are close to someone who is grieving be prepared to become the object of their anger.  The more they trust you and the more they deny the real source of their anger, the more likely they will be to direct it toward you.  This is not a time to ‘reason’ with them, or to ‘defend’ yourself.  Give them space to deal with their anger.  If you insert yourself at a time when they are sorting through this emotion, they may do and say things they and you will regret and this only delays the healing process.  What they need the most is your prayers.  I once told a very angry friend, “I am not your enemy.  You have an enemy and it isn’t me.”  Then I left them alone to deal with the real issues.

I knew I was healing when my sense of humor returned.  I remember a rude driver making an obscene gesture at a stop light.  In an instant I slammed my car into park and unbuckled my seat belt and had my hand on the door handle.  I was ready to drag him out of his vehicle!  And suddenly I saw the humor in the situation.  That man, whoever he was, probably spent his life bullying other people.  To him being rude was a way of life and he really thought nothing of it.  To me it was Pearl Harbor!  .  He did not expect me to react at all.  My own reaction struck me as very funny as I imagined myself kicking and clawing a perfect stranger in the middle of a busy intersection!  (But for good measure I took out my cell phone and held it up to him and acted like I was calling 911.  He drove away much less aggressively.)

Direct your anger at the real source of suffering and pain, sin.  I hate divorce.  I hate lying.  I hate drunkenness.  I hate adultery.  These things and more destroy dreams and ruin lives.  Where I can and when I can I fight against sin.  Direct your anger where it can do some good.

More next post on directing anger.

Hope for Hurting Hearts

Is your heart aching with sorrow and grief?  Are you trying to comfort a friend or loved one who is experiencing tragedy and Loss?   You are not alone.  This is not a solitary road you travel.  Others have come this way before you and have found the hope and strength you seek today.  Some of what follows is strong meat.  It will come in small bites to be digested carefully.  If it is meant for you, you will know it.

I am a Bible teacher – not a psychologist or psychiatrist and not even a counselor.  This blog is purely devotional.  What follows comes from long hours of study and prayer and over 40 years of Christian service.

Over the years I have held many broken, wounded hearts in my arms: the young mother who watched her sweet baby die of brain cancer, the wife who sat on my couch weeping over an adulterous husband, the little girl who was abused by her own father, the lonely single woman who thought no one could ever love her, the guilty sinner convinced their sin was past the reach of God’s forgiveness.  These and so many more have poured out their tragic and sometimes horrific stories while I listened.

What words of hope and wisdom are there to offer at times like these?  As much as we would like to console the broken hearted, there is only one true source of comfort and healing.  No one can understand another’s hurt completely.  Sometimes we may even feel that others do not care because they do not understand the depth of our sorrow.  No one will ever care like Jesus.  He understands like no other can.  There are things that we may say and do to help a wounded soul, but the greatest of all is leading them closer to the Master’s healing touch.

Behold, for peace I had great bitterness: but thou hast in love to my soul delivered it from the pit of corruption: for thou hast cast all my sins behind thy back.  Isaiah 38:17

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